Disclaimer: this title is just CLICKBAIT, nothing salacious, tantalizing nor naughty happened in this story, I just had to put it down before I forgot.
It didn’t dawn on me what had actually happened until ten years later but, I think I dodged a triangle.
I was living in my SRO, doin my activism and playing “love games” (or so I thought) with the forbidden fruit. Her name was Janelle. Janelle was the pretty latina case manager of the supportive housing management company that I was at war with. I tried to woo that woman every way I could think of but was never successfull. Only once did she show any kind of feeling towards me, at the end of it all, but that was just in a moment of distress. One of her other boyfriends shocked her by shaving his head and she got a little clingy in the moment. Nothing else, ever. Finally, I gave up.
It then, just so happened that I had a simultaneous crush on her boss, Dellthea, who was just as pretty and multi-racial. Dellthea was tall, shapely, young and beautiful. She had long flowing hair, a caramel complexion and was very articulate. Although she presented as mixed black she “talked white”, if you know what I mean. You must understand, coming from my generation (Gen X), cultural promiscuity was still a taboo and anyone who identified with a culture outside their ethnicity was exotic. The fetish was still there. Dellthea had it all.
I was pleasantly surprised that when I turned my attention to her she was more than receptive, it was as if all I had to do was ask. Ask for whatever I wanted and it would be surrendered. When we spoke she would get as close to me as possible, lower her head, soften her voice and seemingly try to bury herself in my chest, without touching but almost. This effected me powerfully. I started daydreaming about Dellthea, mostly about showing her off to everyone I could, were we to date of course. It was really confidence boosting to know that a girl like that, so smart and beautiful, was actually going to let me have her. I couldn’t believe it. Dellthea, Dellthea, Dellthea, my shot at happiness. Of course, all that glitters ain’t gold and so it was this time too. At the time there was only one barrier that I could see but it blotted out the Sun. Dellthea you see, worked for the very management company that I was fighting. I would be sleeping with the enemy.
What if something went wrong? Dellthea could come right to my door and she, unlike Janelle, was powerful. She could cause me a lot of problems. Along those lines, she could also track my movements since I had to sign in and out every time I entered or exited the building. The only way to combat that would be to move in with her but again, not optimal. I mean, I thought the world of her but wasn’t ready for anything that deep although, I could think of a lot worse fates. The sacrifice definitely wouldn’t have been waking up next to her, she never looked less than lovely. It really tore me asunder but I just couldn’t seal the deal, it just seemed too perfect. Not only that, but there was the remote possibility that she was just a “honey trap”, I’ve encountered a lot of them. No, that didn’t seem to be it either, there was this nagging feeling that it was best I back off .
I was shocked that she actually seemed genuinely disappointed, almost crushed. I felt so bad. We had been interacting for a couple of years professionally and now there was tension, what had I done? If she were just acting she was giving a damn good performance. Even though I knew I had done the right thing for both her and I (no dating tenants), I still felt horrible. It pained me to see her in pain, which was all over her face every time we met. As it turned out though, there was a lot I didn’t know.
Dellthea as Janelle’s boss, had been given every one of my gifts meant for Janelle. Dellthea had told me earlier that there was a special drawer in her office where she kept them, before we started sparkin.
Could it be that she fell for me due to that ricochet? Seeing the stuff I did for Janelle, had Dellthea begun to wish that she were the intended? Unlike Janelle, I had never seen Dellthea with a man which, only added to her appeal. I was puzzled as to how she surrendered (emotionally) so quickly.
Now I have to tell you, the rest gets weird. I didn’t see Dellthea around much anymore, she became the manager of the hotel around the corner and treated me with disdain. Oh well, “C’est la Vie”. In 2017 I was no longer residing in the hotel. All out of mind.
About a year later I pull into the parking lot of Safeway with my mom and we shop, it was nighttime and dark. Upon returning to the car but whom do I see standing behind it? Thats right, it was Dellthea, in a long coat, all by herself, hands in pockets and looking meaner than I had imagined she could. For all the world she looked like a hitwoman. I was so shocked and weirded out that I didn’t attempt to speak, she never looked at or acknowledged me once, like I wasn’t even there. She had a super deadly look on her face, I was genuinely frightened. I expected her to produce a gun at any second. WTF was that all about? So random, so freakishly weird.
More years pass, I see her stone face a couple more times and then nada. I began to hear unbelievable reports from former neighbors that now Dellthea and Janelle were now living together as husband and wife or wife and wife or something or the other. Bottom line, both of my former flames were now in a romantic relationship with each other. And, they were having a baby! What?! To make matters worse, it was clear I had been the only one in the dark. Slowly, it all began to make sense. Those two had wanted me to sire their baby!
I mean, what else could it be, now that I finally had all of the pieces. Boy, had I had been blind, I kinda felt used even though nothing had happened. Did she really like me or was she trappin for her company, my landlord? Did she like me and figured she could solve all problems by pacifying me, indulging herself and stud me for a baby too? I wondered the possibilities…
I imagined what it might have been like. The three of us making a baby, I get to have both Janelle and Dellthea for the sake of pregnancy? I began to have regrets, the more I thought about it. Had I passed up the chance to have both of the women I adored, on the regular, one of whom really seemed to like me? Now what had I done, or not done as it were. I kicked myself a couple a times.
What saved my sanity was number one, Im Christian. That fact nixed the whole thing right there. Number two was that I would not have inserted my child into a triangle, especially a same sex one at that (yes, I’m a lesbian too). And finally, exciting, fun and as fantasy fulfilling as it may have been, it would have been just too weird for me. I am not “The Dude” as portrayed in The Big Libowski just “helping his ladyfriend to have a baby” I’m unconventional but not that unconventional, would they have paid me too?
Stop thinking you fool!
All Star Activist 2 