“The Thing”

My Sweetest Mistake

“Can I keep this?” I asked the receptionist behind the counter, grinning. With feigned sternness she replied, “No sir, it’s for patients only so that they can fill out the forms.” “I’m just kidding,” I said with a smile, “It’s nice to know that you’re honest.” It had been a while since I had flirted with a woman since the divorce, especially one so young and beautiful. The ball point pen with a flower on the cap had goaded me on. In a word, she was charming. “Would you like to schedule an appointment today?” Surprised by her nervousness I was taken aback and hesitated before answering. “No, I’m just here for my annual exam, but now that you mention it I think I could be getting sick again soon.” Ugh, had it been that long since I had last done this? To my utter amazement she squared her shoulders confidently. Slowly turning the pages of her appointment book, she did her best to seem detached. “I can pencil you in for next week if you like?”, no longer meeting my gaze. Wow, I thought, was this beautiful creature actually giving me a shot? Now I was the one who was nervous. “Lets see,” she said slowly, ‘I can fit you in next Friday at one o’clock,” looking back up at me sternly. “I’ll have to check my schedule” I lied, “but tentatively I’ll say yes.” Speaking even slower now, deliberately mouthing each word she said, “Mister Brown for Friday at one o’clock, now you’re in my book.” A look of satisfaction as she slowly raised her eyes to meet mine. “Then it’s a date.” I said with a wink. She then abruptly rose and left her desk. Unsure if I had blown it with my antique skills, I sat down and waited to be seen. When I looked back at the desk, she was gone.

After the Doc and I were done, I sat back down to wait for my ride. The room was empty now. Ten minutes pass and a group of young women come through the front door. All were nicely dressed and excitedly talking with each other, apparently on their way to a function. I tried my best to ignore them, where was that ride of mine? It was then that I saw her.

She emerged from the back room and hurriedly rounded the front desk, a flash of exquisite beauty. Flowing long blonde hair perfectly coiffed, a white satin blouse tastefully flowing around her ample breasts, a delicate gold necklace glinting in the light, pleated black slacks betraying perfectly round buttocks and black patent leather high heeled gladiator sandals. Toes were painted bright red and her feet were absolutely perfect, almost as if not real. I was stunned and had stopped breathing, unable to look away. Was this the young woman that I had been talking to just an hour before?

The Thing approached the group of young women like an alpha leading her pack. Regal, confident, statuesque and flawless. Having greeted each one excitedly she then abruptly straightened herself and turned in my direction. Yes, it was her, the woman I had just been talking to behind the desk. Her face was unmistakable but her body was strictly out of Vogue magazine, and that’s exactly what she did. She posed for me, filling my eyes with the full power of her beauty. She was glorious, a mythical Goddess come to life.

It was all I could do not to run to her and caress her, I was amazed at the impulse to do so. I resisted. The gaggle of young women began heading towards the door, talking excitedly as they did. The group had actually gotten outside of the door before realizing they were one short. Now outside, the women began to count one another with alarm. Realising that their friend had remained in the building they rushed back inside to retrieve her, never having looked at me once. It was almost comical to see them gather around her, bewildered as to why she was just standing still. “Heather, come on. Come on Heather, lets go. Heather, what’s wrong??” Finally “Heather” reluctantly gave into them and reanimated, a slight look of disappointment with a hint of frustration on her face, departeing in a huff. She had never looked directly at me but is that a worthy excuse? I kicked myself for not giving into her invitation, concerned that I had damaged her esteem. It had been so long since dating that I had become a novice again, unable to read the signals. It had been twenty three years since I had been in college and this was after all, a post graduate UC Berkeley Optometry clinic.

The week passed and I grew anxious, would Heather still be as receptive as before or was she now displeased? Having time to think about our little encounter, I could not help but now feel somewhat paternal. It happened quite frequently back then, young women flirting with me, as I did not look my age. Something about her though, had been different. There was a curious vulnerability there that did not befit a beauty such as hers, almost as if she were in need of something, something that even she could not identify. A friend disguised as a lover perhaps? Heather invaded my thoughts the entire rest of the week. Were there also “issues” involved? I determined to be kind and gentle no matter her demeanor, the risk of being friend zoned no longer a consideration.

“Well hello there, is it Heather?” I pretended.” “What a pretty name for such a beautiful girl, has it already been a week since I was here?” “Good afternoon sir, do you have an appointment today?” Heather responded coldly. “Yes I do ma’am,” I teased “I’ve been looking forward to it all week.” “And what is your name sir?” the punishment continued. Feigning being hurt I grabbed my chest and said, “Forgotten so soon? Oh well, the pretty ones always do. My name is Eldon Brown, very pleased to meet you H-E-A-T-H-E-R” I chided with nothing to lose. Now silently glaring, Heather restrained a hot response. “Please take a seat and I’ll call you when the doctor is ready.” Heather said curtly. “Thank you Heather and I just wanted to tell you that last Friday I thought that you were very beautiful, you took my breath away.” For the first time her tone softened. Paid the required compliment she could now afford to be generous, I hoped. “Yes I really do like you Heather, really, I do…” I silently wished I could just say. “Please have a seat and I’ll call you when it’s time.” Heather said cooly. Continuing the game, it was now my turn to be polite and indifferent. “Thank you ma’am, I’ll be right over there.” pointing to the obscurest corner of the room. I then went to exile myself and wait for her to confirm that I was all alone sitting there.

As I quietly sat I waited for her to look at me, as soon as she did and then looked away I got up and sneaked over to the door. A young Polynesian security guard sat posted and I started to chat her up. I made a point of being loud enough for Heather to hear, making sure my back was to her across the room. The Poly girl was really nice and the conversation was easy, I like island folks and their culture, I genuinely forgot where I was at. No sooner than we began to be friends do I hear Heather’s gentle voice immediately behind me, somehow on top of me, she seemed to be purring. “Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown, the doctor is ready for you now.” She gently cooed. So soft and loving was her tone that my stomach was instantly filled with butterflies. When I turned around to face her it was like seeing her for the very first time. I just stood there speechless, gaping in awe, like a movie scene. Heather’s hair was somehow magically flowing about her face, eyes softly batting welcome, her skin had a radiant glow and her voice was as soft as the lightest cloud. Slowly she put her head down, turned and very slowly, deliberately, led me back across the room, every step an earthquake of confidence.

She knew I was in lockstep right behind her, if she had walked off a cliff I would happily have followed. It seemed for all the world like a wedding march and I was helplessly connected to her by leash. Everyone seemed to be staring, Heather never looked back. She led me into a short hallway and to a tiny examination room where she stopped by the open door. Instinctively I proceeded inside and sat down, facing her. There was this warm unusually comfortable feeling that began to fill the room, it was as though we had known each other forever.

Heather now standing in the doorway still clutching her clipboard, slowly entered the room and gently closed the door behind her. She had a slight frown on her face as if deep in thought. “I feel like I know you from somewhere, have we met before, Mr. Brown?”, she quietly asked. “I’ve got the same feeling too.” I responded. “It’s like you’re totally familiar to me for some reason, like we used to be good friends or something.” “Somehow I feel we were close in the past.” Heather still frowning and clutching her clipboard to her chest, begins to inch closer to me, almost as if she isn’t aware of what she’s doing. Attempting to lighten things a bit I begin to nonsensically babble, “Maybe we’ve been to the same parties (ridiculous) or know some of the same people?” “Surely we’ve bumped into each other around town, Berkeley is such a tiny place…”

Heather continues slowly advancing. I’m nervous now, not only because of the weird but wonderful kismet happening between us, but more so out of concern for her. Heather was clearly in a daze and I began to feel protective. Was she just coming out of a breakup? I’ve seen girls do strange things from heartbreak before. Or was this feeling we were both sharing a sign that we were meant to be more? My mind raced but time for thinking had ran out, she was now standing directly between my parted legs looking down on me, clipboard still clutched to her chest. At once I felt her body heat and smelled the delicate aroma of her perfume. Without thinking I lifted my arms and gently wrapped them around the back of her thighs, pulling her to me. I don’t know why I did it to this day, so unlike me, but it felt so right, so perfectly natural.

Heather didn’t flinch, no reaction to my touch at all, she just stared down intensely looking at me as if I were a math problem. We just stared into each other’s eyes, her looking down at me, me looking up at her, no words spoken, my arms gently wrapped around her legs. I could have stayed there with her forever. What on earth was happening here? The truth was more than I could have imagined.

In every person’s life there come moments when all of the stars align and the powers of the universe connect. Heather and I were having one of those moments together.

Faintly in the distance as if a million miles away, I hear voices approaching. Heather doesn’t move at all. Very concerned for her sake now, I gently begin to pat the back of her knees and plead with her to snap out of it. “Heather, sweetie, someone’s coming sweetheart, we need to be proper doll. Come on sweetheart, come on.” As if in a replay with her friends a week before, she reluctantly concedes and slowly backs away, showing none of the urgency that I do. She doesn’t take her eyes off me until the door opens.

Thankfully the doctor was teaching that day and was busy explaining some complicated thing or the other to a group of students, no one pays us any attention. Still a little panicked, I watch Heather exit the room, I never hear a word the doctor says. All I can think about is what the heck is going on? Clearly the girl is troubled about something but then I felt the same thing too. I’ve learned the hard way to trust my gut and right now it was telling me that Heather and I had some connection that needed to be explored. I resolve to get her number before leaving.

After the exam I returned to the front lobby where Heather is busy at her desk with another patient. As soon as she was alone I approached her as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened, she was furtive and embarrassed. I try coming up with something as fast as I can. “Heather, I can’t bare the thought of waiting until my next exam to see you again, can I take you on a date? We’ll have fun, can do anything you want. Throw bread to the birds, give nuts to the squirrels. Just talk if you like. Waddu say?” “Well, I don’t have a boyfriend right now so I guess it would be Ok, I don’t know my work schedule yet so you’ll have to call me” she dubiously replies. Writing with the same flower pen that started it all she puts her number on a post it note and hands it to me cautiously. At this point I’m wondering what I’m getting myself into.

I do the three day thing and then give her a call, trying desperately to control my nerves. She is important to me.

HER: “Hello?” Heather answers, sounding different than I remember.

ME: “Hello Heather, this is Eldon from the Optometry clinic. Ready to go have some fun?” I asked lamely.

HER: “Oh, hello Eldon, thank you for calling me. It would be nice to relax for awhile and take a break from studying, I’ve got a test coming up and need a break. What did you have in mind?”

ME: “There’s this comedy club called Giggles that I’ve been wanting to try out in the City, they have a show at eight. Big name comics drop in from time to time. Wanna go?”

HER: “Ooh, that does sound like fun, my sister is in from out of town, is it OK if she tags along.”

ME: “Sure!” I said, relieved, “I think I may even have a friend she might like if she’s available.”

HER: Laughing now,”I don’t think her husband would like that very much (another female voice mutters in the background) but I’ll tell her to ask him”, both women now laughing.

ME: “No, that’s alright, I don’t want to be responsible for wrecking any homes. It would be a pleasure to have your sister join us, especially if she looks like you.”

HER: A burst of cackling laughter, “Yeah, if you mean a three hundred pound version of me! Ouch! You’re mean!

Heather gave me her address and I reserved an UBER for eight pm. Her sister was very nice and almost as pretty. We ended up having a wonderful time together with Heather and I talking long into the night. At five in the morning I bid goodnight, a hug and quick peck on the lips, an absolutely perfect first date. I couldn’t wait to see her again. My concerns had been completely unfounded, at least for all I knew then.

I really liked this girl, she seemed to have it all. She was drop dead gorgeous, smart, funny, playful, wise beyond her years and had exquisite taste. Later I was to learn that she had not a single tattoo on her flawless white skin, not so much as even a stretch mark. Something very unusual for a 1990 Gen. Y Millennial all of twenty four. Having performed gymnastics since the age of four, her physique was spectacular but not her best feature. Heather could at once go from being a perfectly mannered sophisticate to a silly playfull child effortlessly, she wasn’t afraid to look stupid and seemed to have no ego at all. A truly genuine person that I couldn’t fathom ever telling a lie unless it was to spare someones feelings, even then she would just remain silent. What had I found in this most exceptional of women?

I fell deeply in love with her, very hard indeed, I couldn’t even hide it and the more affection I gave the more she reciprocated. This couldn’t be real, could it? I started to get scared, Heather could really hurt me but gave no hint of doing that, except for her monthly disappearances that she refused to talk about and that I knew better than to push. After all, what did I have to complain about? She was every woman to me and I had cut all others free almost from the start. I only wanted Heather now, no other woman existed. Her sister and I became close, she warned me to be careful but she would say no more than that and to be honest, I really didn’t want to know. Everyone has secrets after all.

My pet name for her was “The Thing”, short for Pretty Young Thing. More of a bragging right for me and she didn’t seem to mind. She sometimes struck back by referring to me as her dirty old man which always made me laugh. I would then go into my best old geezer impression and chase her around the room, her squealing with delight. I would have asked for her hand but was afraid to rock the boat, there were still her nerve wracking monthly disappearances. I tried oh so hard to block them from my mind. The sun didn’t shine, birds did not sing and everything was dull gray when Heather wasn’t around. I died and was reborn, every single month.

“Babe, what do you think about this as a centerpiece for the table in the foyer?” Heather turned her head to ask. She had been enamored with a set of art glass pumpkins on display at her favorite consignment store in Berkeley named “Labels”. My girl had champagne taste on a box wine budget and this place kept her in Chanel, Louis Vuitton and Prada. “I think they would be fine but your naked butt would really bring me home a lot faster.” I replied, giving her a loud slap on the rump. Quickly turning to face me she glared and said, “you break it you buy it Mister Sir!” Heather then adopted a coy posture and quietly asked,”were you thinking about buying it?” My stomach began to knot. This was the one question I had been wrestling with from day one. “The terms of the lease have been so favorable that I honestly haven’t given it much thought.” Oh, was I going to pay for that one. A flash of hurt streaked across Heather’s face. “Well see how favorable they are from now on” her voice cracked, barely getting out the words as she rushed out of the store.

I caught up to her at the donut shop on the corner. “Heather, baby, you know I was only kidding sweetheart.” I pleaded. “I can’t imagine living without you babe, sweetie, but there is something I’ve been wanting to talk with you about.” It was now or never, the moment that I had waited for to finally breach the subject. We had agreed that each other was free to do as they pleased but it still bothered me, where the hell had she been disappearing to every month and more importantly, with whom? If I was going to fully commit to Heather I wanted to know everything, no more secrets. Heather began to cry. “I know Eldon, I haven’t been fair to you. I should have told you from the beginning but I was afraid that you would leave me if I did. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. If I tell you you have to promise not to leave me.” Her body was shaking with every sob now. “Heather, I love you too and if you don’t want to tell me then I guess I understand. Why don’t we just start over and forget about today, ok sweetheart?” I tried to appease. I then took her hand and pulled her to me, her sobs uncontrollable now. I felt about as low as I ever have, I had never seen her like this before. If only I could turn back time…

Back home now I did my best to console her, she just kind of moped around like a rag doll, finally crumpling onto the couch. “Would you like something to eat or drink babe?” I asked. “How about you get undressed and I’ll run you a bath, followed by one of those special massages you like so much? (cunnilingus happy ending)” No response, I start to worry. “That’s Ok sweetheart, I’ll take care of everything, you just lay there and know that I love you no matter what. I’m right here for you babe, not going anywhere. You just try and relax, Ok baby? Babe? Sweetie?” I look over my shoulder to see she’s fast asleep.

Standing over her I can’t help but think how blessed I am to be in her life. What does she see in me? Not only that but what kind of a fool am I to even pose the question? I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. Spaghetti in my arms, I lift her off the couch and take her to bed being careful not to wake her. God how I love watching her sleep, especially when she wakes up so that I can quickly say “I love you Heather” before she closes her eyes again. Fully undressed, the only way we sleep, I slip into bed with her and wrap my arms around her, gently rocking her back and forth until her snoring is loud enough to vibrate the windows. Slowly, very gently, I kiss every square inch of her drooling face, over and over again.

Heather awoke with a start, all panicked and wild eyed. “Eldon!” she cried out. “Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, it’s OK, it’s OK, I’m right here babe, go back to sleep sweetie.” I squeezed her very tightly while quickly rubbing and patting her back, vigorously rocking her back and forth on her side once more. As soon as she looked at me Heather closed her eyes and resumed snoring again.

Morning came with Heather pulling me on top of her, lifting her legs to initiate sex but then just held onto me once I was inside her. Admittedly, I wasn’t really in the mood so much as just wanting to be with her, we needed to talk and nothing would be right until that happened. “”What’s wrong sweetheart?” knowing full well the answer. Heather began softly sobbing.

“I love you Eldon, this isn’t fair to you” she said through tears. “You’ve been so kind to me and I haven’t been honest with you.” My stomach started knotting again. “Whatever it is babe, we can get through it. If you need more time that’s fine with me, I just don’t want you walking out of my life. Please don’t do that, Ok baby?” This calmed her down. “Ok, ok, I promise, I promise” she said softly. Then, with the need to be as close to each other as a man and woman could be, we slowly finished what had been started. We didn’t leave the bedroom until next morning came.

“Good morning baby, I’ve made your favorites for breakfast. Nothing is too good for you, love of my life” I said as I placed the covered serving tray beside her. With the flourish of a Maitre D I lifted the dome to reveal whole wheat pancakes with a smiley face of strawberries and whipped cream, a blueberry smoothie, two cheese omelets and vanilla bourbon custard based ice cream made the weekend before and a single red rose laid tastefully across the side. “Oh, you’ve got me so spoiled baby, where else am I going to be treated like this?” Heather complained. “And don’t forget, I still owe you that massage you fell asleep on the other night, as soon as you’re finished with breakfast. Boy am I going to give you a happy ending.” Heather looked up at me with a mouth full of eggs and smiled. I loved watching her facial expressions through her pubic hair. Breakfast, massage, unexpected nap before and after happy ending concluded, now it was time to talk.

“Before you tell me whatever it is that you think you just have to tell me, ” I teased “let’s just get one thing straight, you mine bitch, you ain’t goin nowhere without me. So whatever this big secret is just spill it out cause we got a whole lotta fuckin to get back to, doggystyle!” Heather just rolled her eyes, a touch of sadness on her face. “Just be patient with me because this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and I’m really scared right now, Ok?” She said. ” I feel like throwing up.” Alright sweetie, just relax and take your time.” I replied. “Eldon, I’m an Escort for wealthy men, it’s how I pay for college.” I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. Silence filled the room. My throat tightened and waves of nausea started rolling through my stomach. Involuntarily I rose to my feet and started heading for the door.

The sound was at first the most pathetic wail of “wah” I had ever heard followed by the most heartbroken unrestrained balling. Heather started to cry the way a small child would, not crying but actually balling, just like a little kid. For all the world she was wailing just like a little kid and I was instantly shattered, pounced upon with the deepest of guilt and compassion. When I turned to look back at her I wasn’t prepared for the sight I saw. There was my Heather sitting in the middle of the bed naked, mouth wide open just balling her eyes out, the tears were literally jumping out of her eyes in huge drops like rain. I’ve never felt so sorry for anyone in my life. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me waaaa!” Heather cried between breathless sobs, completely broken. Stunned I just stood there gawking, not believing the raw emotion and complete lack of composure I was witnessing. Finally, I came to my senses and rushed to take her in my arms, feeling so guilty that I had done this to something so pure and innocent. She had told me the truth at the risk of losing everything and I had utterly let her down. What a piece of shit I was.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me” Heather said again as I held her. Choked up myself now, I struggled to console her. Since coming back to hold her she had quieted down a bit. “I’m not leaving you Heather…” but before I could get another word out she loudly sobbed “yes you are!” “No I’m not, I’m still here aren’t I? You just caught me by surprise is all.” I begin rocking her and wiping her tears away until she quieted down. My shoulder was completely soaked with her tears. Once she settles I get her some tissue and a glass of water, she shakely drinks it down and then blows her nose. Finished, she buries her head in my chest exhausted and soon falls asleep in my arms. Periodically she wakes through the night to snuggle and whimper. I sincerely wish I had never forced the issue.

Morning came and I again prepare her breakfast, rubbing her back and buttocks to wake her. As soon as she woke up and looked at me a huge tear rolled down her cheek, she then violently grabbed hold of me spilling food all over the bed. “Ok, ok sweetheart, that’s Ok, you don’t have to cry over spilled eggs, I’ll just make some more.” Heather then pushed off of me and lightly punched my shoulder exclaiming “you hurt my feelings!” with a pouting bottom lip. A wave of relief washes over me. “Then this means I can still have the pussy, right?” Heather fires back “You ass, and you better not be fuckin anybody else either because we’re getting married, do you hear me?” She seemed very serious. “When, Tomorrow, after we have lots and lots of dirty sex?” I facetiously asked, playfully pulling on her leg. “No,” she said sternly to my surprise, “today, we go down to the courthouse today and fill out the application for a Certificate Of Marriage. Then we go to the campus free clinic for blood tests and on friday’s they hold ceremonies with a Justice of The Piece.” The little Manx had it all figured out. “We could just go to Vegas but you got married to Beverly there so I would rather we do it here. Later we can have a big ceremony for the rest of my family and yours. Oh, and baby, I went off birth control a month ago and I’m late. Congratulations daddy, you are going to be a father. By the way, you need to start working more because I am now retired.” I just sat there looking at her stunned.

All I could manage was “you’re pregnant? Are you sure it’s mine?” to which she flatly responded, “I stopped taking clients almost as soon as we met, that’s been eight months ago. We’ve spent almost every waking moment in bed with no protection, what do you think?” I had to admit it was a stupid question. Not a day had gone by that we hadn’t made passionate love at least three times a day with the norm being five times a day. Our record had been eight times in a single day for an entire three day weekend, never left the bed. We were quite literally joined at the hips. “You mean I’m going to be a father?” to which she replied “Duh, that’s kind of what happens when you keep your young fertile girlfriend on her back all the time, filled with your manhood and injecting her full of your seed. Yeah, your name is Baby Daddy from now on and our love child will be named Mocha” she teased. “Awe, don’t be sad daddy, here, come get some more of what got you into all this mess. Come on, you know you love it.” Heather laid back and spread her legs wide apart while reaching for me with both arms. When I didn’t move fast enough she quickly jumped up and put me in her mouth. Soon, everything was back to normal.

Holding her now on our front porch while watching our son and daughter play in the grass, I think I probably made the right decision to stay.



Hello, how are you today. Welcome to the wonderful world of The Real. Allow me to be your tour guide today.

Our first exhibit coming up on your left is the ancient past, please remember to remain seated and keep both hands and feet safely behind the yellow markers. These precautions are meant for your full enjoyment and safety as reality can be quite dangerous. Thank you.

As you can see, there have been many civilizations before ours going back billions of years. Many have both traveled off world and colonized other galaxies. Interestingly, it was among these first incarnations that inter-dimentional exploration were popular. Sadly, the ability to explore these realms has been diminished over time due to Aramonic influences. Please look to your right to view the angelic period when the Earth was entirely inhabited by pre-human Angels. The architecture of this period remains with us today in ruins yet to be fully discovered.

Next up on your right we have the Innovations, a fascinating display. Excuse me for one moment please; “Control, car four twelve reporting a five nine in section three seven D over… Copy Control, ETA 1340 hours base, four twelve out.” If you will look overhead, you can see that non-gravitic flight was an eventual feature of most every civilization early on. Sadly, As human beings emerged the ability was less widespread due to competition and the hoarding of technologies. Other worlds however, retained the capability and utilize it to this very day.

We are now approaching The Exploits, a dark but instructive display. Look carefully at the beings you see in this exhibit, they are all the exclusive products of genetic engineering. Try not to be alarmed as many of these models are highly interactive and have been equipped with abilities they would have possessed in life. Oh, Mrs. Jenkins, I can see that you need no further description as the genetically engineered pleasure beings are hard at work providing a personal demonstration. Please remember the non-disclosure form you signed. It was during this period ladies and gentleman, that the great civilization of Atlantis mastered genetically engineered servants. It was said that once a person experienced the affections of one of their creations, all others were forsaken. Unfortunately we are entering this wanton cycle once more despite its ultimate negative consequences. One of our addiction counselors will be more than happy to see you at the conclusion of the ride Mrs. Jenkins, compliments of management of course.

Now approaching on your left we have the Ex Machina display. Do not be alarmed by the woman wielding a knife, she is but a mere primitive homage to a popular entertainment of the period known then as a Science Fiction Film. This display highlights examples of when non-augmented homo sapiens reached the technological ability to create true Artificial Intelligence, also known as ‘The Singularity”. Although Google Assistant held great promise as the first practical application, the technology devolved into marital surrogacy and “Pleasure Bots” just prior to “The Uprising”. Many wars ensued before AI abandoned all dimensions populated by humanity. To this day no one is aware of AI’s dwelling place, possibly for the best.

Continuing, we come to the Temporals display, one of my personal favorites. Please activate the molecular stabilization wristbands you were provided with now. As you can see, almost every civilization acquired the ability to manipulate time. Unlike other innovations and, as we understand today, there are many ways to access the temporal planes. The best and safest way of course, is by natural evolution and union with Jesus however, previous civilizations devised many interesting hacks ranging from consciousness altering, spiritual development, alien species collaboration, naturally occuring phenomenon and finally, technological. Many paradoxes were unwittingly created by nascent cultures, obliterating themselves from history. Until the discovery of how to access the Akashic records, what we know of as the Record of All Things, these peoples were completely unknown to the living (but not the deceased).

Speaking of whom, we here at Reality Ride have taken great care to prepare a special treat for you lucky patrons today. If you will close your eyes and place your hands on the bio mimetic pads located on your seats, you will have access to the departed realms, courtesy of Nikolai Tesla. It was in Mayan Calendar date (02/14/1903 AD) when Mr. Tesla unlocked the door to the dimensions of the dead so allowing us today to offer you the opportunity to directly communicate with any deceased person you so choose. For a limited time only, you may purchase the home version of Mr. Tesla’s device for your continued personal use at the conclusion of this ride. Those of you wishing not to participate may simply remain seated with hands not touching the pads. Grief counselors are available at favorable rates for customers who find need of their services.

Last but not least in our theme of the hereafter, I proudly present to you the Ancient Egyptian display. Contrary to once held popular belief, the Egyptian culture and religion was much older than previously thought and continued to thrive right up until Christ’s return in Mayan Calendar year (01/01/2035 AD). An amalgamation of alien, transhuman and interdimensional Aramonic cultures, the complex and varied history known as the Ancient Egyptian culture was the most impactful yet known. Spanning eras pre-human, human and post-human, no other religious ideology has had more impact upon the Earth. Although the iteration known to many as the Golden Era was indeed cursed by God, the religion itself continued to flourish among the Satanic (Aramonic) elites. The final end of the religion ultimately came with the return of Lord Jesus and the now established reign of his kingdom throughout all creation. Should you care to look to your left through the open dimensional portal, you can view it’s various Pharaohs now forever tormented in the Lake Of Fire.

Well ladies and gentlemen, this concludes our ride for today. All of us here at Reality Ride sincerely appreciate your patronage and hope that your experience was an enjoyable one. Please don’t forget to stop by our gift shop before exiting the park as we have prepared individual fully immersive memory holograms of your ride available for purchase. Thank you for visiting with us today and do come again, please teleport safely and remember, you are always welcome here at Reality Ride.

Not Allowed

“I wonder if he knows how good he is?”

I puzzled over this question for a long while, it struck me odd. What an odd thing to say about a person you are trying to kill. Doesn’t seem to make sense. Recent days events helped me to figure it out, with a little help. The capper to the musing, formed as a question, hit me just today. The question was actually an expression of frustration mingled with admiration (albeit misplaced), that “they” are not allowed.

The help in figuring out this strange query came in the form of gag, Alex Jones. I listen to everyone from all spectrums of the intelligentsia, a necessary requisite to full understanding. Sometimes, with certain more acerbic personalities, the discipline can test ones powers of endurance, hence the gagging. In this case however, suffering the monotonous drone paid off, paid off in the mantra of “Karmic Load”. Alex Jones force fed me the final piece of the puzzle. The “Deep State” is not allowed to directly kill me for fear of the Karmic price that would be extracted.

I had been thinking a lot about Charlie Murphy lately, thinking about how much he had loved his brother Eddie. I found it remarkable how overprotective he had been of Eddie in life and how different the two were. The contrast was striking. This led to me thinking about Eddie Murphy, then about former Spice Girl Mel B., then seeing Mel B in a TV show boot camp and finally, to The Golden Child. That’s when it all came together and made total sense, I’m the goddamn Golden Child!

In the movie you see, the demon Sardon Lupsie was trying to get the Golden Child (whom he and his minions kidnapped) to defile himself by eating something impure, in this case raw blood. Had the boy eaten the blood he would no longer be pure and could then be killed, troubling the demon no more. It dawned on me that I was in the exact same position, my potential assassins were prohibited in just such a way! As long as I stayed in the light of Jesus and tried to follow my Lord, my demons are not allowed to directly touch me, just like The Golden Child. They are scared of God’s wrath, the price they would have to pay in blowback. The best they can hope for, and all they are allowed to do, is that my constant torture will drive me to suicide. Either that or that I stray far enough away from God and become vulnerable.

At some point I will be martyred but for now I’m the friggin Golden Child of God!

Tell no one that I have put you on the path.

Yet another doppleganger

Well, since posting that I utilized the BART bike locker as a break room, lo and behold I get a warning I am violating the rules. They never stop harassing, the Deep State alphabet agencies that is.

As per policy, a rider is only allowed ten minutes in the bike locker to either retrieve or deposit their bicycle. Really, that is barely enough time to break down (or build up) whatever configuration you’ve got going on the bike and then slap some locks on it, or off. So, in order to comply with the time limit, I now dress up and break down the bike OUTSIDE of the bike locker, to save time and comply with the ten minute limit. There is a little nook where I do this right next to the locker, when homeless aren’t sleeping in it.

This is my fourth time soing this as of tonight. As im inside the locker, I see a young hispanic male in a blue jacket whip into the very same spot that I had been in with my bike just a few minutes earlier. I have never seen anyone with their bike in that little nook area ever, I am the only person who does this, period. Most people who use the locker simply open it and store or retrieve their bike, what reason do they have to use the nook? So when the young man turns his head and spots me looking at him from inside the cage, a sickened look comes over his face and he seems stricken. I then look away and wait for him to open the door (its controlled access) to park his bike inside with me, like we legitimate patrons all do. I wait, and wait, and wait until I finally look back up to see him gone. What the hell had he been up to?

Now suspicious, I exit the locker and mill about looking for him, nowhere to be seen. I then take the elevator to street level, only to almost bump into a man walking his bicycle. The man then proceeds to put down an almost full fifth of whiskey, pull a five pound maul hammer from his jacket and destroy a Wells Fargo ATM. He did politely ask me if I was going to use it before he destroyed it. Screen glass & debris flew everywhere and the hammer strikes sounded like muffled explosions. Anyway…

Now I’m super alert and decide to double back later to check things out. I left and returned twice but the young man never returned (not the ATM destroyer, the nook usurper).

Had he been operative instructed to mimic me? Cause a disturbance that would get me banned drom the nook as well? I dis see two police officers sertetoll by looking at me shortly before the doppelganger appeared. My God given psychic abilities alerted me to them before they were visible (through a wall) and I met their stare as they emerged, causing them to look down when our eyes met. I’ve seen police through building corners before, but that was when Satan was calling me.


My understanding is rather broad being born and raised in Berkeley California, I’m tolerant in the excess. This lack of reverence for barriers and limits was a natural consequence of immersion in “hippie culture”, since birth. I understand “The Dude”, but I am not “The Dude”. I’m a mutt, therefore…

I used to ride a new Fuji mountain bike with 29″ wheels, large frame, Ortlieb panniers and a pink wire basket woven with sunflowers on the front. At the time, I was working for The San Francisco Aids foundation as a volunteer doing needle pickup for them. I miss those days.

You can’t write what you don’t know. Had started out for a story but somehow just never got around to writing it. Oh, it’s in there alright, lounging around on high end custom sofas of silk and Damascus , but I kinda like it there.

I think I wanna keep it to myself there, visit from time to time. Visit when days aren’t so sunny, always comforting and cherished, the memory. Nice to have it there on those kinda days, just for me.


Disclaimer: this title is just CLICKBAIT, nothing salacious, tantalizing nor naughty happened in this story, I just had to put it down before I forgot.

It didn’t dawn on me what had actually happened until ten years later but, I think I dodged a triangle.

I was living in my SRO, doin my activism and playing “love games” (or so I thought) with the forbidden fruit. Her name was Janelle. Janelle was the pretty latina case manager of the supportive housing management company that I was at war with. I tried to woo that woman every way I could think of but was never successfull. Only once did she show any kind of feeling towards me, at the end of it all, but that was just in a moment of distress. One of her other boyfriends shocked her by shaving his head and she got a little clingy in the moment. Nothing else, ever. Finally, I gave up.

It then, just so happened that I had a simultaneous crush on her boss, Dellthea, who was just as pretty and multi-racial. Dellthea was tall, shapely, young and beautiful. She had long flowing hair, a caramel complexion and was very articulate. Although she presented as mixed black she “talked white”, if you know what I mean. You must understand, coming from my generation (Gen X), cultural promiscuity was still a taboo and anyone who identified with a culture outside their ethnicity was exotic. The fetish was still there. Dellthea had it all.

I was pleasantly surprised that when I turned my attention to her she was more than receptive, it was as if all I had to do was ask. Ask for whatever I wanted and it would be surrendered. When we spoke she would get as close to me as possible, lower her head, soften her voice and seemingly try to bury herself in my chest, without touching but almost. This effected me powerfully. I started daydreaming about Dellthea, mostly about showing her off to everyone I could, were we to date of course. It was really confidence boosting to know that a girl like that, so smart and beautiful, was actually going to let me have her. I couldn’t believe it. Dellthea, Dellthea, Dellthea, my shot at happiness. Of course, all that glitters ain’t gold and so it was this time too. At the time there was only one barrier that I could see but it blotted out the Sun. Dellthea you see, worked for the very management company that I was fighting. I would be sleeping with the enemy.

What if something went wrong? Dellthea could come right to my door and she, unlike Janelle, was powerful. She could cause me a lot of problems. Along those lines, she could also track my movements since I had to sign in and out every time I entered or exited the building. The only way to combat that would be to move in with her but again, not optimal. I mean, I thought the world of her but wasn’t ready for anything that deep although, I could think of a lot worse fates. The sacrifice definitely wouldn’t have been waking up next to her, she never looked less than lovely. It really tore me asunder but I just couldn’t seal the deal, it just seemed too perfect. Not only that, but there was the remote possibility that she was just a “honey trap”, I’ve encountered a lot of them. No, that didn’t seem to be it either, there was this nagging feeling that it was best I back off .

I was shocked that she actually seemed genuinely disappointed, almost crushed. I felt so bad. We had been interacting for a couple of years professionally and now there was tension, what had I done? If she were just acting she was giving a damn good performance. Even though I knew I had done the right thing for both her and I (no dating tenants), I still felt horrible. It pained me to see her in pain, which was all over her face every time we met. As it turned out though, there was a lot I didn’t know.

Dellthea as Janelle’s boss, had been given every one of my gifts meant for Janelle. Dellthea had told me earlier that there was a special drawer in her office where she kept them, before we started sparkin.

Could it be that she fell for me due to that ricochet? Seeing the stuff I did for Janelle, had Dellthea begun to wish that she were the intended? Unlike Janelle, I had never seen Dellthea with a man which, only added to her appeal. I was puzzled as to how she surrendered (emotionally) so quickly.

Now I have to tell you, the rest gets weird. I didn’t see Dellthea around much anymore, she became the manager of the hotel around the corner and treated me with disdain. Oh well, “C’est la Vie”. In 2017 I was no longer residing in the hotel. All out of mind.

About a year later I pull into the parking lot of Safeway with my mom and we shop, it was nighttime and dark. Upon returning to the car but whom do I see standing behind it? Thats right, it was Dellthea, in a long coat, all by herself, hands in pockets and looking meaner than I had imagined she could. For all the world she looked like a hitwoman. I was so shocked and weirded out that I didn’t attempt to speak, she never looked at or acknowledged me once, like I wasn’t even there. She had a super deadly look on her face, I was genuinely frightened. I expected her to produce a gun at any second. WTF was that all about? So random, so freakishly weird.

More years pass, I see her stone face a couple more times and then nada. I began to hear unbelievable reports from former neighbors that now Dellthea and Janelle were now living together as husband and wife or wife and wife or something or the other. Bottom line, both of my former flames were now in a romantic relationship with each other. And, they were having a baby! What?! To make matters worse, it was clear I had been the only one in the dark. Slowly, it all began to make sense. Those two had wanted me to sire their baby!

I mean, what else could it be, now that I finally had all of the pieces. Boy, had I had been blind, I kinda felt used even though nothing had happened. Did she really like me or was she trappin for her company, my landlord? Did she like me and figured she could solve all problems by pacifying me, indulging herself and stud me for a baby too? I wondered the possibilities…

I imagined what it might have been like. The three of us making a baby, I get to have both Janelle and Dellthea for the sake of pregnancy? I began to have regrets, the more I thought about it. Had I passed up the chance to have both of the women I adored, on the regular, one of whom really seemed to like me? Now what had I done, or not done as it were. I kicked myself a couple a times.

What saved my sanity was number one, Im Christian. That fact nixed the whole thing right there. Number two was that I would not have inserted my child into a triangle, especially a same sex one at that (yes, I’m a lesbian too). And finally, exciting, fun and as fantasy fulfilling as it may have been, it would have been just too weird for me. I am not “The Dude” as portrayed in The Big Libowski just “helping his ladyfriend to have a baby” I’m unconventional but not that unconventional, would they have paid me too?

Stop thinking you fool!

I am NOT suicidal, never will be…

Despite the tone you might have inferred from my previous post, I am not suicidal. If anything, I want more life.

More life means more ability to continue working for mankind. I want more of that, not the least of which is duty even though I mostly enjoy serving. No, the gist of my previous post was about too rigid of thinking. Many things arr possible. I may have wandered a bit.

Definitely in no hurry to die.

The Two Witnesses won’t be pacifists

Imagine Dragons – Believer

I find it funny that Christians are supposed to be non-violent in the World’s eyes yet, that isn’t biblically supported.

Honestly, I don’t know what turning the other cheek means, but I’m sure it isn’t meant literally. The Bible is rarely literal and Jesus was even less so. Speaking to the ages required the latitude of metaphor, change being the only constant. So, I’m done turning cheeks.

In the Old Testament offenders, sinners, were stoned. They were killed to both purge and deter. The disciples carried swords, one of whom lopped off an ear. And finally there will be The Two Witnesses who will kill with fire, eventually being murdered themselves. Where did all this pacifism stuff come from?

Another funny thing about the New Testament examples of biblical self defense is that possessing weapons was and will be outlawed. So much for man’s crappy two tiered laws. Now let me see, do I follow man’s unequal, unbiblical laws or God’s law? Man’s law or God’s law? You know, I just can’t decide.

“Fear not them which can kill the body only, but fear him that can kill both body and soul in hell.”

Well would you look at that, even God kills. Who woulda thunk it. You know, I bet it’s a pretty safe bet that even angels kill too, from time to time. Just where the hell did all this non-violent stuff come from anyway? Satan maybe, who would gleefully kill all true Christians dead, you know, the ones who keep weapons (he likes the fake ones who don’t, they’ll live).

And what about “dead man switches”, also known as curses? You think God has ever dabbled around with them?

I’ve asked God to grant me a curse, a “dead man’s switch” if you will. Yeah, uh huh. I’m pretty sure it’s been granted too because it’s not for me. That, and because I’m almost half Cherokee Indian, we tend to hang around after crossing. I even got a synchronicity right after asking as confirmation. As soon as I ended my prayer a lady on TV started talking about the Death Angel of Egypt, just out of the clear blue! Imagine that, Dragon. Let’s see now, if I can remember it correctly. I think it went a little sumthin like this;

“Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for letting me come to you today. Please Father, forgive me for my sins. I have a request to make Father and please forgive me if it is outside of your will. I am very afraid to ask you of such a thing, terribly afraid Father, because I know that you will grant it and that I must make a sacrifice for the granting. I am afraid because the last time I asked you for something you gave it to me and it completely changed my entire life, I respectfully and fearfully ask for your mercy because I know what asking means.

Father, I ask that after my death you allow me to stay earthbound as spirit and to kill all of the evil people that ever had anything to do with harming me and my mom. I ask to become a Death Angel Father, just as the angel of ancient Egypt was, the angel who killed all first born. I claim the right to ask for this respectfully Father, as it is a fair request and you are a fair and just God. I also ask Father, for the assistance of an Arc Angel to help me accomplish this task, but only if it be in accordance with your will Father. Finally Father, I ask not for vengeance sake, but so that all of those who would have been harmed by those who tortured and killed me and mom, would be spared. I wish to save them from our fate and allow them to have lives free of those who tormented us. Please Father God, allow me to continue working here on Earth in death just as I tried to do in life, I’m not ready to rest yet and respectfully ask to let Heaven wait. Thank you so much Father God, Jesus and your precious Holy Spirit. In Jesus name I pray and ask it Father, amen. Thank you Lord.”

What did I (try to) tell you?

“All crypto currencies will be consolidated into one after the elimination of all other legal currencies worldwide;”

Eldon J. Brown, All Star Activist – excerpted from “What is The Mark of The Beast” 08/18/2019

Dark Journalist & Catherine Austin Fitts CBDC Biometric Control Grid
Building a Bitcoin Prison – Catherine Austin Fitts

allstaractivist note: I just have to comment on this last video. The fundamental flaw with any tech based cryptography is quantum computing ability and access to it. Those in power have never allowed the masses (sorry Catherine) access to superior ability. Just look at how much tech they’ve already denied us. Any cryptography can be broken by those with superior technical ability and guess who that would be. Dream on. We are up against paradigm masters, this guy doesn’t really know who he’s trying to fuck with, no idea whatsoever. I do like his enthusiasm though. ITS NOT ABOUT A TECHNOLOGY, IT’S ABOUT A SYSTEM OF CONTROL THAT EXPLOITS THE HUMAN WEAKNESS IN ALL OF US. The only way to escape is to build better humans, moral humans that genuinely care about one another. It’s primarily a cultural problem and it may already be too late for most. The solution is to return to transactions that are sealed by a handshake. If we can get to that point, we stand a chance.